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7 ways to NOT get a DWI in Austin in 2011.

2011 January 5

Another year passes. And another one begins. It’s time to celebrate our successes and reflect on our failures.

In 2010, I was successful at getting hella wasted on Four Loko. So much so, in fact, that I’ve been MIA since I discovered the sauce over the summer. For that, I apologize. But with the new year comes a more mature Roary.

Thanks to the paternalistic nature of our lawmakers, my beloved Four Loko is no more. And from now on, I vow to live a sustainable and self-sufficient lifestyle by brewing my own Four Loko-style adult bevski.

But my biggest resolution is to not get a DWI in 2011.

How, you say?

It’s simple. Our good friends at APD have put together a list of the top bars that drunken driving suspects reported having their last drink before hitting the road.

Check it (via Austin-American Statesman):

  • J. Black’s, 710 W. 6th St., 29
  • Molotov, 719 W. 6th St., 26
  • The Ranch, 708 W. 6th St., 23
  • Key Bar, 617 W. 6th St., 21
  • Shakespeare’s, 314 E. 6th St., 20
  • Dallas Night Club, 7113 Burnet Rd., 20
  • Rain, 217-B W. 4th St., 19
  • Sherlock’s Baker St., 9012 Research Blvd., 17
  • Cedar Street, 208 W. 4th St., 17
  • Oilcan Harry’s, 211 W. 4th St., 16
  • Union Park, 612 W. 6th St., 15
  • Maggie Mae’s, 323 E. 6th St., 15
  • Kung Fu Saloon, 510 Rio Grande, 15
  • Lucky Lounge, 209 W. 5th St., 13
  • Pure, 419 E. 6th St., 12
  • Blind Pig Pub, 317 E. 6th St., 12
  • Barcelona, 209 E. 6th St., 11
  • Aquarium, 403 E. 6th St., 11
  • Dirty Bills, 511 Rio Grande, 11
  • Kiss & Fly, 404 Colorado, 10
  • 219 West, 219 W. 4th St., 10

Upon initial inspection, you may think this list suggests 1. these places will get you hella wasted and 2. that you should avoid these places if you don’t want a DWI. Both are wrong.

Since graphics like these are used by mainstream publications to strike fear in readers, we decided to borrow this one from NBC affiliate KETK.

Sure, you’ll get effed up if you go to Rain, Kiss and Fly, Dirty Bills and Barcelona, but you’ll also get equally effed on the East Side.

No, brothers, this list is not a guide of where to go; instead, this list is telling you that APD still has their DWI traps set up on Lavaca and W 6th right before MOPAC.

For years, APD has been hanging out at W 6th heading to MOPAC and on Lavaca heading north. In the 90s, that list was mostly warehouse district bars, with higher numbers from each bar. As the West 6th district has built up, the pool of bars has grown.

So, here are my 7 ways to not get a DWI:

  • Don’t drink and drive.
  • Take a cab.
  • Bicycle.
  • Don’t drink and drive.
  • Don’t take Lavaca north.
  • Don’t take W 6th to MOPAC (or Barton Springs to MOPAC).
  • Don’t drink and drive.

Any questions? I would hate to laugh at your mug in Busted In Austin.


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2 Responses leave one →
  1. January 5, 2011

    I’ve got a couple more suggestions in an article I wrote for Labor Day, including the Square Patrol who will take you AND your car home for FREE (like, what?? I know!). (P.S. that graphic is awesome.)

  2. January 6, 2011

    You could also move downtown.

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