My bike ride home from work yesterday left me with the worst allergy attack ever. My eyes were swollen shut. My lungs and throat were burning. And my skin was itching all over. My body felt completely abused-but I couldn’t logically explain what triggered the attack. It was almost like one of those sci-fi or horror movie where the invisible monster wreaks havoc on the helpless population.

Well, friends, my attacker has been videoed. The monster has been revealed. The following 4 videos are not for the weak of heart. In fact, what you’ll see may be more horrifying than any SAW movie. Be brave!

1. View from the deck

In the opening scene, we are sitting on a deck in the hills of central Texas. Suddenly, a gust of wind causes a green smoke to billow out of the trees.

2. Walking in the forest

In this scene, we are walking in a forest. Wind blowing causes more green fog to drift from the trees. What can it be?!

3. The green fog attacks

Cut to a group of lone campers enjoying an outing in the woods. A storm approaches, and they are surrounded by the green fog. The air stinks. Under attack, they start coughing. No one is safe.

4. Human fights back; monster revealed

One brave man goes straight to the source. Armed with a bat, he tries to beat the monster trees. His attack only leads to an explosion of green dust raining down. A horrifying and gruesome display that is not for those who are prone to nightmares.

Yes, folks, if Cedar Fever were a movie, those would be the test shots, and this would be the poster (via Amber Demure):

The rain this weekend will destroy the pesky Cedar Fever. However, the sequel coming out next week is supposed to include MORE snot, MORE headaches and MORE itchy eyes.

I’m waiting for the scene in which the city burns the heck out of all the effing Cedar trees, and then bans them from Austin city limits for life!

Happy sneezing, y’all!

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