Everyone knows that a city hasn’t really made it big until it stars in a fast food TV commercial–amiright? So if Real World Austin or the controversial Austin-centric McDonald’s mural didn’t make us cool enough, a new commercial for Wendy’s might help finally put Austin on the map. Stitching together hip things like vintage clothing, a retro catchphrase, and consumer-friendly trendy South Congress, the commercial shows that not only is Austin probably the coolest city in the US, but that Wendy’s understands Y-O-U!!

Check it:

If you’re the type that skips commercials, here are the meaty bits:

Some waifish (maybe German?) tourist is visiting Austin. Trying to fit in, he visits New Bohemia on South Congress and looks for a vintage tee. To NewBo’s credit, I’ve never seen a cardboard box of discounted clothing.

The German dude probably hasn’t seen the 80′s commercial from which this quote came; rather, he chooses the shirt because he thinks the words are funny.

As he buys the shirt, the cashier is the first in a series of folks to ask the dumbfounded dude,”Where’s the beef?” For the record, This girl’s outfit is too mainstream for NewBo. Them folks have style and class.

As he crosses Monroe heading north on South Congress, the dude ditches his dreary duds and puts on his new, hip shirt.

I can’t help but notice that there are no cars parked on South Congress. Apparently no one wanted to be caught on video trying to awkwardly back-in park.

This shot confuses me. First off, when did Allen Boots start selling vintage clothes and antique spinning wheels? And second, is this business guy propositioning the tourist?

Seriously: Fellas, how would YOU interpret a guy ogling your bare midriff as he says, “Where’s the beef?” To be honest, depending on how drunk/stoned I was, I might just head over to the parking garage behind Hopdoddy and make a few extra bills–naw mean?

Oops, he’s heading south now. When did Off the Wall, a clothing store, or Big Top, a candy store, start serving salads and burgers?

What’s more confusing: Having everyone you encounter shout your shirt at you OR walking down South Congress and then magically being teleported to 6th and Congress?

(Side note: Some coworkers and I were walking on the opposite side of 6th when they shot this! OMG! ALMOST FAMOUS, Y’ALL!!)

Now he’s down at the end of Rainey Street at the Mexican American Cultural Center. One too many drinks at Clive bar? And again, another awkward encounter with a lonely man. Get a clue: Just walk around the corner, show him your beef, take the money and run.

Man, this commercial is more geo-temporally effed up than an episode of LOST. For realz: He’s back walking alongside of the South Congress Baptist Church!!

After a few more blocks, he discovers the Wendy’s at SoCo and Ben White. In lieu of showing the actual Wendy’s store from the commercial, we present you with this close-up of plastic-looking cheese.

Insider’s tip: There’s now a P.Terry’s right across Ben White. It’s healthier and local.

Gotta give Wendy’s some props: It takes balls to shoot a commercial in the heart of Whataburger territory. And while it’s nice that y’all shot a commercial in Austin, Wendy’s, in the end, no matter how many commercials you shoot here, I’m gonna keep hittin up my local burger places, like P.Terry’s and Hopdoddy. And if I’m feeling really like I need some fast food, I’ll be hittin up Texas-based Whataburger.

A couple of reasons why P. Terry’s and Hopdoddy kick ass:

• P.Terry’s uses “All-Natural Black Angus beef; hormone-free, antibiotic free while raised on and all-vegetarian diet.” Their chicken burgers come from locally-raised chickens. Plus, P.Terry’s is about the same price as the big chains.
• Hopdoddy, to me, is the future of restaurants. Not only do they source all of their meats locally, but they also bake their own buns (including gluten-free) daily, and compost or recycle everything.

And that, friends, is why Austin is cool.

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ACL Festival 2011 kicks off in a few hours. It’s down to the wire. Are you ready?

Ride your damn bike to ACL

There’s ZERO parking at ACL–unless you have a bicycle. There’s more bike parking than the eye can imagine–but still it can get a little hairy. Bring a bike lock, cause you might have to get creative and park in a tree. Bike repairs are available onsite. Do it! It will save you time on the way home, tho!

Ditch the j, go the dugout way

There’s a voluntary smoking ban at Zilker Park this year. But a concert without a little green is like peanut butter with no jelly, beans with no rice, kid with no play. So for those of you who want to puff the magic dragon, ditch the j and bring a dugout. Don’t be the stoner who sparked the wrong kinda grass and burned down ACL. Alternatively: Get a porta-vape.

One water for every two…or four beers

For those of you who prefer the other Bud, just remember to drink some water. Empty liquid containers and CamelBak’s are allowed in the park, and the folks at ACL have amped up the watering stations. Not only is it hot out, but you don’t wanna be this drunk-ass dude and end up on YouTube, do you?

If you didn’t take mushrooms, you may have heat stroke.

ACL Cares, and they want you to know the warning signs of heat stroke:

Heat stroke can be identified by excessive thirst, lack of urination, headache, fatigue, dizziness, confusion, disorientation, agitation, flushed or hot skin, loss of consciousness or seizure.

So if you or a friend didn’t take peyote, mescaline, mushrooms, ecstasy (or whatever the young folks ingest to get high), and your experience any of the above signs, visit the Medical tent.

Detox before you retox

This year, ACL is more than just the festival. With a slew of unofficial ACL Fest parties, this year might be a bit of a marathon–especially for your liver, kidneys, and immune system. Do your body a favor and get some vitamins. I recommend hitting up Juiceland (formerly known as Daily Juice) on Barton Springs or Lake Austin Blvd on your way into the park. You can also save some dough and make them at home.

(picture stolen from the Juiceland website)

Don’t behave!

As KUT’s Laurie Gallardo says: “Don’t behave.” Seriously: Rage, fill your soul with music, and have a great time. (Laurie, return my texts…?)

Awight, peeps, ROA is signing off until sometime next week. Look for us out at these ACL Parties.

V + <3 + \m/

PS: You could also take a bus to ACL Fest.

Oh, man. Sorry I’m posting a day late. Let’s just say that this lil’ dillo ate a mushroom pizza on Saturday, and woke up this morning somewhere west of Dripping Springs. I had a can of old school Four Loko in one paw and a headless rattlesnake in the other. Apparently the honey badger is my spirit animal. Who knew?

So first off, thanks everyone who submitted a photoshopped picture of Rick Perry gnawing on that corn dog. There were a lot of fun ones, but it came down to these three:

In third place, it’s Perry and Bachman doing their best to not choke:

photo manipulated by Dan Skarbek

In second place, we explore the thoughts of Republican candidates as they nosh on State Fair food. Take that, gotcha media! [Click to Enlarge]

photo manipulated by Ananas Comosus

And the winner is:

Understated and simple, this photo shows an ad that the Perry camp could really ride until they get the explosion of support Governor Goodhair desires.

Photo manipulated by Jonathan Braden

Congrats, Jonathan! You get to raid the Republic of Austin CD closet!

Be sure to take a look at all the entries on the original post of Rick Perry with a corndog. Again, thanks everyone for playing!

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Find something Austin-related that you want to share? Photos, screen shots, articles, news? Email us at tips@republicofaustin.com.

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Hi y’all:

This past weekend, our fine Governor Goodhair officially announced his candidacy to run for President. Those of us here in Texas who know the truth about Rick Perry shuddered as the far right quivered in joyous anticipation. And while our conservative brethren salivated at the thought of eating more rights, Rick Perry was up at the Iowa State Fair chomping on a corn dog.

Check this pic from IowaPolitics.com on flickr:

Folks, y’all know how much we at the Republic of Austin love to photoshop Rick Perry. This time we thought we’d open it to all of the lil’ dillos out there who want to celebrate all the fine things Governor Goodhair has done for Texas. And since we get a bull’s ton of CDs, our favorite will get a stack of albums from local and national musicians.

Rules:

• Contest closes Friday at 11.59PM CT.
• Post your entry in the comments, below, or reply to our tumblr post. Be sure to enter your correct email!
• You can find a hi-res version of the photo here.
• Entries can be racy, but please keep them moderately SFW. That means, anything above R-Rated should be black barred in the comments, but can link to the full version

For inspiration, check out some of our previous Rick Perry Photoshopped Pics:

• Rick Perry gets his ass kicked by Roger Huerta
• Rick Perry comes out for Team Jacob
• Rick Perry at Austin Gay Pride?

Last week, this lil dillo reported on the opening of the new Brooks Brothers and Urban Outfitters in downtown Austin. After years of unsuccessful attempts to commercialize our fair city’s even fairer core, big-box corps broke our locals-only esprit de corps and now we are weird no more. And once that flood of consumer capital breaks the dam in this citizen’s capitol, I’m worried it’ll be nothing but cookie cutter clothing from now to eternity.

Yup, the domino effect has started. One-by-one they’ve planted roots: Free People, Anthropolgie, REI, Starbucks. And now that they’ve broken our resistance, these big chains have paved the way for the MALLIFICATION OF DOWNTOWN Austin.

Don’t believe me? Check out this reader-submitted pic of the new FOREVER 21 opening soon at 97 Rainey Street, former home of Lustre Pearl:

Think that’s bad, take a look at these scale models of a new Walmart going up at 90 Rainey Street:

A little Google research shows that, according to online magazine CultureMap Austin, ground was broken at the 90 Rainey St location last month!! Where’s the public outcry? Why have there been no protests?! What happened to KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD?!

Admittedly, I must say that reusing shipping containers really does help Walmart fit the eco-friendly style of Austin in a way other big-box stores haven’t even bothered to try. And with LED lighting and outdoor seating, this store’s design is more visually inline with the Rainey Street aesthetic. They even hired local Austin Civil Engineering firm Big Dog to help with the project! You go, Walmart!

Seriously, you guys, CONTINUE TO REFUSE TO SHOP AT CHAINS DOWNTOWN…unless they open an H&M or Apple Store. Need to get my weekend clothes and service my iClone, y’all!!

Will Rainey Street’s lack of parking be able to support these two chains?

Should the city force Walmart and FOREVER 21 to supplement parking?

Will Rainey Street overtake 2nd St and the Domain as Austin’s poshest shopping district?

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Find something Austin-related that you want to share? Photos, screen shots, articles, news? Email us attips@republicofaustin.com.

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Since the dawn of time, we Austinites have been quick to announce the oncoming Dallasization/LAization/Houstonization of Austin. Well, folks, I’m here to tell you that the apocalypse is certain. The end is nigh.

But the four horsemen aren’t wearing dark black robes; rather, they’re dressed in pre-fab cookie-cutter hipster ensembles or matching suits.

Yes, over the weekend, Urban Outfitters took the boarding off their soon-to-be-opened location below the ACL/Moody Theater at 2nd and Guadalupe. Here’s a glimpse of the future:

And if you’ve been to 6th and Congress lately, you may have noticed the windows of the Scarborough Building have giant decals declaring the future home of Brooks Brothers.

Although I remember an Austin that would protest the eff out of non-local retailers, I suppose big-box chains are the only folks who can afford the rent at either one of those locations. Is the future of our city center nothing more than a shopping district only distinguishable from the suburbs by the height of the buildings?

Still, I’m kinda sad. Was really hoping the Scarborough Building was going to have an Apple Store. I totes hate driving out to the burbs to get my iClone.

Original photo from Austinist

Yes, Austin, ye have been warned.

Photo by Chris Nakashima-Brown/NOFEAROFTHEFUTURE.BLOGSPOT.COM

Will a Forever 21 open up on Rainey Street?

Will Austin lose our spot on GQ’s Worst Dressed Cities List?

Will we see more outfit-matching fixies rolling around town?

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Find something Austin-related that you want to share? Photos, screen shots, articles, news? Email us attips@republicofaustin.com.

Want more RoA? Be our friend on Facebook. Add our RSS feed! [what’s that?]. Start your morning with Republic of Austin in your InBox. Or read us 24-7 on Twitter!

Holy smokes, y’all. It’s the last day to vote in the Austin Chronicle Best of 2011 Awards.

Like everyone else in the city, we’re on claws and shell begging you to vote for us. But unlike the others, we’ve created a special limited edition 2011 ‘Vote 4 Me’ Dillo Blingee to commemorate the occasion. And if you vote for Republic of Austin TODAY for Best Local Blog, you can download this VERY SPECIAL Blingee FOR FREE!!

Yes, folks, if you act now, we’re crazy enough to give you this one of a kind ‘Vote 4 Me’ Dillo Blingee at NO CHARGE–all you have to do is vote for Republic of Austin for Best Local Blog TODAY.

And who knows, if we win, we might just make it rain…4 LOKO!!

Can the other local blogs offer you a FREE Limited Edition 2011 ‘Vote 4 Me’ Dillo Blingee? Didn’t think so!!

And while you’re voting for Republic of Austin of Best Local Blog, you might as will nominate some other folks:

Architecture and Lodging

• Historic Site: Treaty Oak
• Bathroom: Longbranch OR Barton Springs Saloon
• Sign: Homeslice Pizza
• Hotel: St. Cecilia
• Hotel Pool: The W

• Scenester/Mover & Shaker: Amber Demure, Jeremiah Newton (Partay Peeps), OR Tolly Moseley (Austin Eavesdropper)
• Party of the Year: The Roaries (D’uh!)
• Place to See Local Art: East Austin Studio Tour
• Movie Theater: Regal Metropolitan or Cinemark (Sike!), Violet Crown Cinema OR Alamo Drafthouse
• Club Night/Theme Night: Vintage Vivant; Wat’s Gud, Shawty?; First Friday Frolic; Mouthfeel; Peligrosa; Flying Turns; Night Fever; Mad Classy….SO MANY OTHER AMAZING OPTIONS
• Place to Dance: Barbarella
• LGBTQ Hangout: Cheer Up Charlies
• Live DJ: DJ Manny, Orión, OR ulovei

Food & Drink

• Local Food Company: Farmhouse Delivery
• Best Food Event: Eat Local Week
• 24 Hour/Late: 24 Diner
• First Date: Highball
• Cheap Date: Cinema East
• Outdoor Dining: East Side King
• Farmer’s Market: Downtown Austin Farmer’s Market
• Neighborhood Grocery: Royal Blue
• Sweets/Goodies: Gourdough’s
• New Bar: The Eastern
• Lounge: Aviary
• Local Beer: Circle Brewing
• Cocktail Menu: La Condesa
• Local Food Blog: Tasty Touring or ATX Gluten Free

Media

• Food Writer: Addie Broyles
• Event Photographer: Annie Ray OR Alison Narro
• Radio Station: KUT 90.5
• Radio Deejay: Laurie Gallardo
• Local Entertainment Website: ultra8201
• Local Blog: Republic of Austin (be sure to check out our LIMITED EDITION ‘Vote 4 Me’ Dillo Blingee!!!)

Wildcard:

• Best Hyperlocal Blog: Downtown Austin Blog
• Best Way to Kill Live Music: City’s Insane Noise Ordinance
• Worst Alternative Transit Solution: Extended Parking Meter Hours

So get out and Rock the Vote, y’all!

A lot of y’all have been asking when we’d have another event. The Roaries were in February. We haven’t had Game Night since before SXSW. And this lil dillo is missing hanging out with y’all.

Well, have no fear. Our Summer Social is here!

Republic of Austin Summer Social

Wednesday, July 13th at Aviary
2110 South Lamar (at Oltorf)
6-10P
Facebook Event
DO512 Listing

We’ve teamed up with our buddy Marco from Aviary to have a super chill event on the patio. In addition to generous tastings from Levin Wines, every bottle of wine in the house will be 1/2 off. And Austin’s honky tonk queen Caroline Casey & the Stringslingers will be bringing her unique country roots sound–perfect for a summer evening out on Aviary’s patio.

We’re also planning a massive day-long event in September. Stay tuned

And did I mention it’s our 2nd Anniversary? Wine not come and get crunk with us?

Republic of Austin has just received a tip from an anonymous source that current Texas governor and potential Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry is not just on “tweeter,” but he’s also on foursquare. Yes, that’s right, Governor Perry is hip to social media–but is it transparency or just another campaign tool? By examining Rick Perry’s check-ins, can we learn something about the man behind the hair? Let’s find out!

Governor Rick Perry’s Badges:

Governor Perry has unlocked 14 badges on foursquare.

A few things immediately surprise me:

• Based on the Newbie badge, Governor Goodhair has been using foursquare for almost a year
• He went to SXSW (?!?)
• Got the Crunked badge (4+ check-ins in one night) during a crazy night on Tuesday, August 31st, 2010, with a final check-in at Forbidden Fruit shortly after 2AM. Tuesday!
• I find it hard to unlocked the Bender badge on Sunday, May 1st, 2011, a full 9 months after he signed up.

Rick Perry’s Foursquare Mayorships

Rick Perry has 10 Mayorships, making him a Super Mayor. Like a repeat customer, a foursquare user has to be the person who checks in the most frequently at a location in order to become Mayor. So where does Governor Goodhair have the most checkins?

Initial thoughts about RP’s mayorships:

• Of course he doesn’t shop at discount booze warehouse Spec’s; Governor Goodhair only prefers discounting education’s importance to our children’s future.
• Did he visit Tabu Lingerie because he wanted to feel pretty? Or was he looking for a ‘gift for his wife’?
• I hear Dreamers and Zig Zag Smokeshop carry a wide selection of video head cleaner.
• The Rick Perry I know would never be caught dead at Chicas Bonitas, or any other strip club, unless he was there for the steak special–or perhaps working the pole.

Finally, some important highlights from the Perry Foursquare Checkins:

Remember all those checkins at liquor stores? Looks like Governor Goodhair wasn’t actually buying liquor; rather, he was spending taxpayer money on fancy wine. Does the name of the wine hint at a Perry presidential bid?

Go Texas, my dillo ass! That ish says Napa Valley. Are you surprised he’d choose a California company over one from Texas?

Here’s another example, this time a potential presidential celebration selection. And, hey, lookey there, it’s an Argentinian wine. Shocker…

And while the strip club checkins might be a little perplexing, frequent checkins at Chain Drive and Charlie’s, two of Austin’s more divey gay bars, don’t surprise this armadillo one bit: We’ve all heard the rumors about Rick Perry.

With almost a year’s worth of checkins, this ish could get pretty sticky. Explore Rick Perry’s Foursquare Page and accompanying Twitter feed. What conclusions can you come up with? Share!

Is Rick Perry hiding anything? Or does his foursquare make him seem more transparent?

Do these checkins convey wholesome family values?

Will Rick Perry come out as a candidate for presidency?

Does coyote meat go better with a red or a white wine?

Should Texans have a day of prayer to help Foursquare get better graphics?

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Find something Austin related that you’ve got to share? Photos, screen shots, articles, news? Email us at tips@republicofaustin.com.

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It’s been a long time since we’ve had a Missed Connection post–winter, to be exact. But with the temperature rising, it isn’t surprising that the weather isn’t just causing sweat glands to react. It seems excess sun and  exposed skin also inspire poetic hearts to flutter. And instead of trying to stutter out affections, a lot of Austinites are hitting up the Craig’s List Missed Connections.

Yup, it seems the beautiful weather (and a little flesh) inspired THREE Austinites to write poems on their quest for lost love. To help them find that special someone, we’re spotlighting their personal ads in a very artsy Hipster Poetry Edition of Missed Connections.

The Birds and the Bees

Barbers, stylists or hairdressers, we trust these fine folk to make us look good. Month after month we see them, and over time, we build a relationship that goes beyond the haircut. And only our stylist (and the people we’ve slept with) know whether the carpet matches the drapes.

Maybe it was the combination of these–and a lively discussion about carnal treasures–that turned this Birds customer into a friseurphile. Check it:

Our Advice: Look for a ring. No ring? Ask her if she wants to grab a drink sometime. Get the drink, be cool, and then later she might let you take your pontoon and dig for carnal treasures.

Mustache Wax My Battle Axe

Cycling in the heat means wearing as little as possible. And while baring exposed legs on bikes may be questionably legal in New York, here in Austin we wear our jorts with pride. But did a flash of flesh convert this gipster into a fixie fetishist?

We were able to find a sketch of this missed connection’s hottie:

Our Advice: Get a bike and hit the Thursday Night Social Ride. The guys are pretty open-minded, occasionally visiting the gay bars after the ride. Still too scared to hit on them? You’ll have plenty of masturbation material after the nights when the ride ends at Barton Springs. But if actually riding a bike is too much work, check out Cheer Up Charlie’s, Austin’s East Side gipster mecca. BTW: Unless he’s using coconut oil to wax his stache, you might not want to do any sautéing with it.

Love in the Time of Fixed Gears

A fixie is more than just a fixed-gear bicycle, it represents a way of life. A rejection of mainstream consumerist society, a fixie tells the world that you don’t give an eff about material things or social status. And for our next missed connection, it also includes sharing Lonestar and freewheeling through traffic on a quest to find some summer lovin.

Our Advice: Pockets full of numbers? Almost as cool? Sounds like you’ve got a lot of esteem, but what’s really keeping you from putting the moves on this hottie? Wear jeans that aren’t quite so tight, and maybe you’ll have enough balls to actually hit on her instead of just talking about it. And if she shoots you down, drink a few more Lonestars and answer the ad from the dude above

Are Fixies the new Ferraris?

Are jorts hotter than normal shorts?

Can you really tell penis size by the number of keys on a carabiner?

Where’s the best place in Austin to find free mustache rides?

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Find something Austin-related that you want to share? Photos, screen shots, articles, news? Email us at tips@republicofaustin.com.

Want more RoA? Be our friend on Facebook. Add our RSS feed! [what’s that?]. Start your morning with Republic of Austin in your InBox. Or read us 24-7 on Twitter!