Austin Palm Reader Madam Ruth Psychic sees sickness and lost love in my future. FML.

Ari is out on vacation, and she’s asked her friend Candace Birkelbach to write a post for her. Candace is pretty amazing, and we love all the hard work she does with the kids over at the Austin Bat Cave.

Call me foolish, but when that crazy gypsy Madame Ruth looked deep into my eyes and started mumbling about my future, I believed her. A part of me was unlocked.

Now, I am a fairly big horoscope junkie (I have the Leo symbol tattooed on my ankle…I mean, what?) but I semi-expected that getting my palm read would be a total flop. A barrage of “your life will have great darkness but also great beauty” and other vague B.S. therapy that you could probably get from ten minutes of watching The Tyra Show. But I was pretty pleased and even inspired by the news Madame Ruth had to give me.

Walking in to the shop, my friends and I were a little nervous and very excited. Ruth “greeted” us with phone and cigarette in hand then quickly shooed us into her foyer of an office. After about ten minutes of us staring around the room, which was glazed with Jesus posters, figurines and a plastic squirt bottle monogrammed with “Holy Water,” Ruth finally came to share our fate. (Not before we forked over the $20 fee plus previously unmentioned 85-cent tax, mind you.) My friend Ellie got a super quick and very generalized response. All signs were pointing toward a wasted bill. Then it was my turn.

She started off with some bad(ish) news.

My reading from Austin Psychic Madam Ruth

Sickness will come for me at some point in life. Something dealing with sugar and glucose levels…aka diabetes. My grandmother has diabetes and it’s always been something I’ve kept an eye out for. I have this underlying feeling that there’s something up with my metabolism or blood sugar level. I’ve struggled with weight loss at various points in my life and until recently had found it incredibly difficult to lose even just a few pounds, despite my balanced vegetarian/pescatarian diet. She told me to just keep an eye on my weight and I’d be fine. Not bad advice for anyone. Of course I would never plan to let myself get all chubs, but as I age, it’s easy to put on a few pounds each year and just accept it. Her reminder motivated me to really keep a mindful eye on my weight for the rest of my life.

Two trips. One long, one short. Every year I try to take one out of state trip and one out of country trip. This year, there’s no question of my passion to get to Thailand. I’ve already found potential travel buddies (shout out to my fellow Dillo Ari), talked to my parents about watching my dogs and researched organic farms to work on. This will no doubt be my long trip. And I’m sure I’ll take a short trip soon. Whether it be a quick camping trip or out of state adventure, that should happen anyway. She told me not to delay on either. I already delayed the Thailand trip last year and know I won’t be able to live with myself another year if I don’t do it now. I can’t fully explain the feeling of why I need to go. Just call it a gut instinct.

I will find a business partner and open my own business. Um, this is my ultimate dream in life, but I’m slightly terrified that I won’t be able to make it happen. I have a few semi-reasonable business feats in mind (an art center for kids, a healthy fast food restaurant, building a global eco empire) and part of me believes that it’ll really happen for me one day.

There will be two proposals and I won’t know what decision to make. I will reject both and then find my true love. Phew, good to know I won’t be an old maid. But really, I’ve had a pretty lackluster love life up to this point and always get the same saying, “you just need to wait until you’re older” and have even gotten the “you’re marriage material but I’m not ready for marriage yet” line a few times. So, we’ll see if this love triangle makes it’s way into reality.

Two kids. Hmmm. Childbirth terrifies me but I have found a recent love for working with children during my time at Austin Bat Cave. I’m very motherly with my dogs, and that’s pretty much the same thing, right? I guess anything’s possible.

I’m being too generous to too many people. Maybe a signal that I’m trying to do too many different projects? Or that working for non-profits forever isn’t going to be my life-long destiny. Or maybe I just need to stop and smell the roses more while trying to save the world.

Skeptics, feel free to barrage me, but if want a little glimse into the future, go see Madame Ruth at her place on I-35, just south of US 183. No need to make an appointment, she knows you’re coming.

Have you had your palm read? What is YOUR future? Let us know!

DEETS: Madam Ruth Psychic, 709 Blackson Ave, Austin, 78752, (512) 454-1295

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